Doping Scandal Rocks Serendipity

Word spread quickly over the weekend that Serendipity's run camp reputation was in jeopardy, with charges that Loren "Duckfoot" Wise is "on the juice."

"Duckfoot's dirty," said a disappointed Christina "Hitch" Hitchcock, who overheard Duckfoot describing her weekly treatments with Bini's husband. "Something about patches and shots and steroids. I don't know. It didn't sound good." The charges made sense in light of reports that Duckfoot would most likely run four or five miles and she ended up running a Barry-Bonds-like 11.

Chief Eagle Foot, upon receiving the reports, called on Run Camp veteran Shani "Granitefoot" Iuni to lead cover-up efforts and keep word from spreading into Run Camp. "Thank God Tam Tam only works for The Gazette," said Iuni. "Can you imagine what would happen if she worked for a real newspaper? We'd be ruined."

More concerned about internal strife, Chief asked for a meeting with Duckfoot's former ally, Mary Beep-Beep Vajgrt, aka Clubfoot, who reportedly was adding fuel to the fire. Duckfoot turned on Beep Beep last week in a showdown with Angie "Hotfoot" Wiersma on team leadership. "What can I say?" asked Beep-Beep. "You go over to the dark side, you (friggin) pay. Mua Ha Ha."

"Can't we all just get along?" asked Phyllis "Kingfoot" Florian in an obvious move to become a compromise candidate for interim leadership.

Duckfoot was reportedly avoiding contact with other Puffers today, except Bini Stephen, who claimed (as much in defense of her husband as her team mate), "remember, there are steroids and there are STEROIDS." Bini reportedly was also testing the defense that "her knee's on steroids, she's not" but it wasn't playing well initially.