Hotfoot: "It's Out of My Hands Now"

No sooner had Angie Hotfoot Wiersma's Posse been formed than thousands were fleeing their homes in Florida, while sheriff's deputies combed the countryside for arson suspect, Puffer.

"We think Puffer is headed for the low country, possibly water," said Sheriff Byron Mayweather of New Smyrna Beach. Florida Governor Jeb Bush declared a state of emergency and issued a "shoot to kill" order that prompted Phyllis Leadfoot Florian to pack for Florida "to beg for clemency if necessary."

Meanwhile Hotfoot "called off the dogs" on the private search for the pyromaniac. "We'll cooperate with authorities," said Hotfoot. "If they run out of gas and give up, we may regroup."


"Search every outhouse, henhouse, Puffer house . . ."

Puffer, Why Don't You Just Turn Yourself In?

Is Puffer On the Sauce? Florida Pharmacies Have Posted Puffer Alerts


Dissension broke out in the ranks of Serendipity today as team leaders formed a “Florida task force” to find Puffer the mascot.

“Oh, yeah, right. Task force. Sure. You betcha. Task force,” said a disgusted Phyllis Leadfoot Florian, who feels that Brigadier General Angie “Hotfoot” Wiersma’s approach to Puffer’s ills is “punitive.”

“Call it what it is,” said Leadfoot. “It’s a posse. You’ve got a Puffer posse on your hands. We need a more humane approach. Puffer needs our help, not our scorn.”

In light of Puffer’s ramblings in Florida, which included the reported theft of drugs from a Key Largo hospital pharmacy, most Pink Puffers are still supportive of Hotfoot’s efforts to track down the marauding mascot.

“These namby-pamby bleeding hearts just don’t get it, do they?” said Hotfoot in defense of her quest to bring Puffer back into the mainstream. “Besides, I’ve paid my leadership dues here and as long as I’ve got the authority, I’m calling the shots. Puffer’s going down.”

Puffer Terrorizes Florida Trailer Park

The Serendipy mascot was nowhere to be found Sunday following an unexplained "bird thrashing" in central Florida, where Puffer has been partying for weeks.

"I did hear from my sister that Puffer was pretty out of control," said Pippi Longstocking Foot, "but we weren't aware that Puffer had a violent side." Puffer tanked near the end of Run Camp and failed to show for the Borgess Run for the Health of It. Puffer was last seen heading for Key West.

Chief Eagle Foot Gets ManPurse; Looking for Belt and Other Accessories

With Puffers continuing to apply pressure, Chief Eagle Foot today purchased his first purse since the 1970s.

"This speaks volume about my identity," said CEF, "but only to select individuals." The coach was poring over catalogues, looking for a belt to match, "but you can't find anything under $50, and do people really look to see if your belt matches your handbag anyway? I thought it was belt and SHOES."

Troubling the Serendipty leader as well was the fact that the investment comes at a time he's entertaining other coaching offers. "That's not too significant, because I'd be expecting a big buyout, and that should more than cover a wardrobe change."