Doping Scandal Rocks Serendipity

Word spread quickly over the weekend that Serendipity's run camp reputation was in jeopardy, with charges that Loren "Duckfoot" Wise is "on the juice."

"Duckfoot's dirty," said a disappointed Christina "Hitch" Hitchcock, who overheard Duckfoot describing her weekly treatments with Bini's husband. "Something about patches and shots and steroids. I don't know. It didn't sound good." The charges made sense in light of reports that Duckfoot would most likely run four or five miles and she ended up running a Barry-Bonds-like 11.

Chief Eagle Foot, upon receiving the reports, called on Run Camp veteran Shani "Granitefoot" Iuni to lead cover-up efforts and keep word from spreading into Run Camp. "Thank God Tam Tam only works for The Gazette," said Iuni. "Can you imagine what would happen if she worked for a real newspaper? We'd be ruined."

More concerned about internal strife, Chief asked for a meeting with Duckfoot's former ally, Mary Beep-Beep Vajgrt, aka Clubfoot, who reportedly was adding fuel to the fire. Duckfoot turned on Beep Beep last week in a showdown with Angie "Hotfoot" Wiersma on team leadership. "What can I say?" asked Beep-Beep. "You go over to the dark side, you (friggin) pay. Mua Ha Ha."

"Can't we all just get along?" asked Phyllis "Kingfoot" Florian in an obvious move to become a compromise candidate for interim leadership.

Duckfoot was reportedly avoiding contact with other Puffers today, except Bini Stephen, who claimed (as much in defense of her husband as her team mate), "remember, there are steroids and there are STEROIDS." Bini reportedly was also testing the defense that "her knee's on steroids, she's not" but it wasn't playing well initially.

Who's Destined To Lead Puffers? After Saturday, It's a Tossup; Helen Introduces 'Nofoot'

Absentee ballots may determine who will lead the Pink Puffers into the Healing Season, as both leading "contenders" scored points with the Serendipity faithful Saturday.

"By midmorning, it looked clear that our Brigadeer General, Angie 'Hotfoot' Wiersma had an insurmountable lead (to assume team leadership)," said a motivated Duckfoot, whom many thought would be in the camp of her fellow physician, Mary 'Beep Beep' 'Clubfoot' Vajgrt. "She ran hard. She ran fast. She got a lot out of a team that, before she threw down the gauntlett, appeared to be in shambles."

Hotfoot seemingly was showing her colors as a leader who could run AND party, but as the morning dragged on, it was clear that Beep Beep's weeklong training session in partying was paying off. Beep Beep, who had skipped the morning run, made it out of bed to move in and take over the Razzamataz Scene. She hit full stride by mid-afternoon.

"Man, I thought I had stamina," said a surprised Kristen 'Pippi' Rayner. "The rest of us were mildly baked when Beep Beep pronounced it was time to go to the bar." Enough that Hotfoot raised eyebrows with the selection of the Blue Pop Martini, and then Beep Beep pulled dead even with the offer to host next week's party. Host Jen 'Helen' Schaefer ceremoniously handed over the official Puffer Party Mascot -- "Nofoot" (shown above) -- to Beep Beep, and Hotfoot could only say "I don't get it."

Hotfoot is expected to pick up steam by midweek with her hard-charging philosophy of "Shut Up and Run," but a number of Puffers are waiting to see if Pumpkin Puffer Pastries will again be in the offing.

One thing is certain: Puffers have a clear choice -- either Hotfoot's Run Hard, Party Hard philosophy, or Beep Beep's Run Safe, Party Like a Pro school.

"I could see it go either way," said a departing Chief Eagle Foot.

'Season of Healing' Set To Begin As Lam Prepares To Leave for Vacation

"For some reason, things just run more smoothly when he's gone," said a Pink Puffer who chose to remain anonymous when word spread that Coach Blaine Lam was due to head back out on vacation.

The troubling trend of injuries, arguments and training disputes on Serendipity prompted Loren "Duckfoot" Wise to wonder aloud "if we can even recover. I'm not sure what's causing it, but we look to be going down the tubes. Duckfoot's running partner, Angie "Hotfoot" Wiersma, has been wearing her Brigadeer General boots of late and telling people to suck it up. "Now I think she's just pulling our chain," said Mary "Beep Beep" Vajgrt, the voice of reason among Puffers.

"Yeah, we have to put up with that goofy blog, but really, we see fewer injuries, more harmony and more progress -- individually and collectively -- in his absence," the unnamed Puffer said.

"I'm sure Blaine wouldn't take this personally," the source said. "Just the same, I'm not taking any chances by naming all the people who feel the same way I do."

Lam claims to bring healing gifts and messages from his travels and disputes reports that he absence is good for the team. "You decide who's giving you safe counsel," said Lam. "Hotfoot or me."

Schaefer Relents; Agrees To Offer Free Puppy Saturday

Recognizing the stiff competition from other Run Camp parties, Jen Helen Schaefer Friday reversed her "no free puppies" rule and agreed to give a lab pup to the first person to leave her Pink Puffer Party.

"I don't want to be sitting there at 3, 4 in the afternoon wondering when these people are going to leave," said Schaefer, "so the incentive was a natural. I doubt that Puffers have won many of the free puppies given out so far."

Not helping her own cause, Schaefer laid down the traditional, ham, asparagus, onion combinations in her quiche recipes and then topped it off with pumpkin muffins, a mixed fruit salad and an assortment of accoutrements for Bloody Mary's, assigning Chief Eagle Foot to bring the Apple Bake Cake.

Doors open 10:30ish Saturday morning and the "get the heck out of here" puppy is expected to be gone by 2.

Last Call for Puffer Party; Directions Released

With the hard core totally committed, the Pink Puffer Martini Madness Party is ON for Saturday, post run.

The directions to Jen Schaefer's house are right here

Consumption of alcohol not required, but all attendees must follow house rules (no dogs) and hostess reserves the rights "to call the shots" on other behavioral matters.

"I'm pretty impressed with the lineup," said Helen, one of Jen's other personalities. Anyone who is planning to attend, but who hasn't RSVP'd yet, can still email Chief or put a comment on the blog.

An Invitation from Contender Jen

Dear Pink Puffers: As a person of my word, I want to formally invite you to my house this Saturday after Run Camp for Martini Madness.

I believe you know that to attend you simply have to email Coach (Chief) Lam or leave a message on this blog.

A friendly reminder: If you win a puppy at Run Camp, please leave it in your car, for two reasons. One, from what I hear, the puppes they give away at Run Camp are not house broken. Two, I have cats, and that's a warning to those of you with cat allergies.

Chief Eagle Foot Vetoes 'Squirrelfoot' Induction

"I know this isn't a good time to come down on my team," said Chief Eagle Foot, "but I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop this reckless 'Squirrelfoot' action in its tracks. Squirrelfoot is nuts and I thought everyone knew it." The invitation to join Serendipity was pulled from the Chicago River, where it was being soaked by the United States Postal Service. It was never delivered.

Said CEF, having served on the Run Camp Screening Committee, "he's tried every conceivable scheme to come on board, but when you see it often enough, you understand the pattern. Quite frankly, I'm not only sick of it, but a little embarrassed that our screening committee didn't see through it."

Serendipty Welcomes 'Squirrelfoot' To Depleted Ranks; "Defensive Over-reaction?"

Hit hard by Hotfoot's accusations that they're a bunch of slackards, the Serendipity Membership Activation Committee (SMAC) went into emergency session over the weekend and issued an invitation to "Squirrelfoot" to become a Pink Puffer.

"We had three or four pretty good applicants," said SMAC Member #2 (the identity of members of this committee is necessarily and understandably withheld from public disclosure), "and the thing that impressed us was Squirrelfoot's use of his own personal web page to promote his candidacy. Without that, he'd just be a guy hanging around the house dressing up in funny stuff. On the web, he's got character."

SMAC Member #3 admitted it may be a problem that the committee isn't sure exactly who Squirrelfoot is or if he's enrolled yet in Run Camp, "but those are just details. I know he's going to fit in."

At least one committee member felt the addition was a "defensive over-reaction" to unexplained and unexcused absences and lack of team spirit, charges leveled by Hotfoot last week after breakfast at McGinness Landing proved to be a bust. "I think we need to get our hard partiers back," said SMAC Member #4, "and then see if we think we've still got a problem."

Puffers "Sassy" and "Defiant" Despite Accepting Strict Contender-Based Party Rules

When Serendipity finalized their March party calendar, feeling smug that they had 'tricked' a Contender into hosting a martini party, little did they know they had fallen prey to a control freak.

"I call the shots. I set the rules. I pass Go. I collect $200," wrote Jen Helen Schaefer in a diatribe which basically put Pink Puffers on notice that the rules could change at any time for her martini party March 25 after Run Camp.

Fortunately, most of the rules have to do with excessive behavior, and as Kristen "Pippi" Raymer put it, "when we reach the excessive behavior point, I'll let you know what I think of rules." Even Pippi admitted, however, that the language in the Confidentiality Agreement "is a bit draconian."

Schaefer, concerned that she is turning over her "party site," the whereabouts of which will remain a mystery until all Confidentially Agreements have been signed and notarized, to "a bunch of amateurs" said she intends to monitor Serendipity's Party Training Seminar this coming Saturday at McGinness Landing. "I'm not worried about the regulars," said Schaefer. "It's the Puffers who think they can handle a serious martini party on one-week's training. Those are the kids I'm worried about."

"I'll throw a half-marathon if ANY Contender can out-party ANY Puffer," said Matt "Lucky" Harmelink, who is going to Professional Party School this weekend in Mississippi.

The Pink Puffer Do--Rag Report

The emergence of mole-recruited spies, late-comers, tag-alongs, one-timers and two-timers has led to speculation among Pink Puffers that the team doesn't have enough Do-Rags for all its "members."

The Do-Rag, as etymologist Kristen Pippi Rayner would explain, started off as a way to cover up your pincurl pins when you absolutely had to leave the house while your hair was drying. That old expression "I just washed my hair and I can't do a thing with it" actually had some meaning back in the day. Or as Bette Davis put it in 1932 in The Cabin in the Cotton, "I'd like to kiss ya but I just washed my hair!" Thanks to BeepBeep for buying those.

The problem with having only 15 Do-Rags first surfaced Saturday when it appeared, with everyone running in pairs, that Serendipity's ranks may be an even number. "I thought you were odd," said Spy Jen Helen Schaefer, who did not qualify for, or want, a Pink Do-Rag to go with her Contenders' faux-flag-colors, but who is considering accepting a Rose Quartz in exchange for throwing a martini party. (Background: Helen's Bloody Mary was a bit too spicy -- or was it spiked? Mua-ha-ha! -- and before she could stop herself, she said she would throw such a party if ANY Puffer beat ANY Contender, and in a loud and resounding chorus, the masses sang out, "HOTFOOT!" and Ms. Schaefer began planning her party.)

The odd-even issue and pairing off of runners Saturday did provide a helpful snapshot of who's who on Serendipity. So here's who's flying the colors. Additions and corrections should be sent to Chief Eagle Foot or just put in the comment section below.

Angie Hotfoot Wiersma and Loren Duckfoot Wise again led the pack. In a surprising surge, the Dynamic Duo of Laurie The Zeester Ziech and Mary Her Seester McCormick crushed the 10-miler Saturday. Mary Beep Beep Vajgrt and Matt Lucky Harmelink showed a lot of leadership around the water stops. Kristen Pippi Rayner took on Christina Hitch Hitchcock as a temporary, part-time, substitute fill-in for Tammy Tam Tam Mills, whose fate with Serendipity is expected to be up for a vote this week. The Serendipity Supper Club, also known as Phyllis Lead Foot Florian and Shani Granite Foot Iuni, were looking exceptionally strong this week. Kirsten ColorGirl Brames and Bini Bini Stephen were pounding out a steady pace throughout. The Spice Girls -- Melanie Cinnamon Disbro and Jamie Saffron Ekkens -- were late starters, strong finishers.

The value of having Ayron Lowis spy on Lilliputians has been debated because by all accounts the Lilliputians are in complete disarray and there's some question if Rob Lillie, seen running alone Saturday, is even aware he's a coach, or if he is, whether he knows what a coach is. In any event, Ayron isn't eligible to wear a Do-Rag because of her spy duties.

Meanwhile, word on the street is that Kristina Terry is on injured reserve, Tim Walton is on sick leave, and Deb Bosma is Absent Without Leave (AWOL). The odd-even question won't be answered until the votes are in on Tam Tam, who is citing "excellent behavior in prior camps" as the rationale for not booting her. Time will tell, Tam Tam. Time will tell.

Postmaster General Issues Pink Puffer Stamp In Honor of Serendipity

Using all his political connections and his tribal roots, Serendipity Coach Chief Eagle Foot today held a joint press conference with U.S. Postmaster General John E. Potter to announce the issuance of a new 32-cent stamp. Potter announced that, in the event postal rates go back down to 32 cents, the stamps will actually be printed. Until then, commemorative stamps may be printed off the Internet at http://pinkpuffers.blogspot.com

Serendipity Nicknames Assignment Stalling Out?

Until confusion ends over the existence of Pink Puffers with "ins" and "ens" in their names, the assignment of Serendipity nicknames has slowed to a crawl, according to Chief Eagle Foot. Additionally, there is no word yet from the group known as "The Dynamic Duo" -- Laurie Ziech and Mary McCormick -- whether they will accept the sing-songy handles of Laurie Z and Mary McC, or the Zeester and her Seester for short. One more foot name -- Bigfoot -- is up for grabs. Our Lilliputian spy, Ayron, is expected to accept Little Foot as her handle. She's hoping to avoid the injuries which have befallen Hotfoot and Duckfoot.

Further confusing the issue is the email whereabouts of Bini, the exception that proves the rule that everyone needs a nickname. Shani, like Bini, is almost nicknamesque.

Meanwhile, one spy suspect -- Melanie -- gets our emails but apparently runs with another team. She arrived with the nickname Cinnamon. Clarification, please! Our other spy suspect Jen doesn't get our emails because, well, we don't trust spies.

Naming Matt will be a standing agenda item until further notice. No rush on Tammy. She hardly runs any more. Phyllis is enough of a veteran that she either has a nickname or has earned the right to pick her own. We await word.

Tim Who?

Run Camp Imposes Restrictions on Serendipity

With word spreading rapidly through Run Camp that the "Pink Puffers are on a tear," Central Command today brought sanctions against Serendipity, its coach, several lieutenants, the sergeant-at-arms and its highest ranking officer, Brigadeer General Angie "Hotfoot" Wiersema.

Hotfoot's New Shoes

"Had we known this was going to happen," said organizer Janeen Docsa, "we wouldn't have allowed gang signs." Docsa said that post-run activities and "liberal" email exchanges resulted in the sanctions, including:

-- No more than three camp email postings per camper per day;
-- No drinking before 10 a.m. on Saturdays;
-- Limited references to Matt's undergarments or proposed undergarments; and
-- Only medical references to bursa.

Coach Lam said he saw the restrictions coming, but didn't feel that Serendipity morale would suffer. "Not as long as we have our colors to fly and our Rose Quartz implants."

Bringing Home the Help, The Hope, The Healing

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, growing ever more impatient, as I rose to hike out of the Superstition Mountains to return with Rose Quartz for the Pink Puffers of Serendipity.

"Peter Pan," said StarzEagle Dancer.

"PETER PAN!" I cried. "I thought you were helping me with a meditation for the Pink Puffers."

"Sorry," said our sage. "It had never dawned on me that the ticking clock inside the crocodile was symbolically mitigating against Peter Pan's desire never to grow up."

"Then why was he after Captain Hook, instead of Peter Pan?" I asked. "Oh, never mind. What about the meditation you promised me?"

"Very well," said StarzEagle Dancer. "Holding a Rose Quartz in your hand. . . "

"Which hand?" I asked.

"If you are right-handed, your left hand is your 'receiving' hand, and vice versa."

He began again: "Holding a Rose Quartz in your hand, start to breathe deeply and feel the breath draw not just from the air around you but also from the earth below. Breathe in this earth energy with each breath. Breathe with every pore of your body. . .

"Wait a minute. Wait a minute," I interrupted. "This is going to take quite a while, isn't it?"

"Healing takes time."

"No, I mean, you're going to recite this lengthy meditation, which I'm not going to be able to remember and, well, how are the Puffers going to get their healing. Can't you just write it down?"

"The great meditators do not utilize the writing tools of the common man," he said. "I think. Therefore I am."

"Well, how am I going to get this back to Serendipity?" I asked.

"Well, you could go on my Web site," said StarzEagle Dancer. It's right here.

"Adios, amigo. I'm outa here. Michigan, here I come. Puffers, prepare to be healed!"

"One question," said StarzEagle Dancer. "How did you find me?"

"I think you know," I said, smiling.

He smiled.

I nodded. He winked.

"Serendipity," we said in unison.

Right. What's a Chakra?

Feeling a little overwhelmed after two days of meditation, without nurishment, I had to ask.

"What's a Chakra again?"

"Chakras are centers of energy, located on the midline of the body," said Starz Eagle Dancer. "There are seven of them, and they govern our psychological properties. The chakras located on the lower part of our body are our instinctual side, the highest ones our mental side."

"Well, I don't go in for that cheap physical stuff, and I seek to live on a higher plane," I said. "But, if I'm asked, what do I say to Pink Puffers who want to deal with, say, their more instinctual side?"

"Basically, listen to Marvin Gaye's Sexual Healing and that will take care of the bottom three Chakras," the Wise One said.

"So, we begin with the Heart," I said.

"We begin with the Heart, with the Rose Quartz," said StarzEagle Dancer.

"I'm running out of time. Let's get started," I implored.

"Patience, my son. Patience."

StarzEagle Dancer speaks

With little time now before I catch the Red Eye back to Michigan (I already missed the Pink Eye), I knew it was time to become more forceful with StarzEagle Dancer, who had given me enough Rose Quartz stones for every Pink Puffer on Serendipity, along with one for our spy and one for a player to be named later.

So far, I had learned that Rose Quartz is the "corner-stone" (get it?) for the 4th Chakra, also known as the Heart Chakra, which includes the thoracic cavity, heart, rib cage, lungs, thymus gland. Finally, some hope for my thymus gland.

Energy from the Rose Quartz, according to StarzEagle Dancer, is essential to self-fulfillment and inner peace. The soft soothing pink of Rose Quartz comforts and heals any wounds the heart has accumulated. In addition, it manifests a calm vibration of soft sweet pink.

Rose Quartz teaches that the source of love comes from within the self and from that source of infinite love any wound, no matter how deep or painful, can be healed.

"If you are to use these stones for healing," said StarzEagle Dancer, "exercise great care."

"Why is that?" I asked.

"You must be prepared for emotional releases and the surfacing of suppressed and often forgotten memories and feelings. In the days following the crystal healing, be on call to comfort, counsel and listen, as this is one of the extracurricular activities that Rose Quartz requests," the Wise One said.

"I don't know. I'm kind of a busy guy, and I think I need a little time alone with my stone, anyway. You're not talking to Mr. Empathy here," I confessed.

"Then the Pink Puffers must help one another with these healings," said StarzEagle Dancer.

"They're already helping each other," I said. "What can I take back that will aid them in their journey?"

"Wait, my son, and I will tell you."

I sat back down.

The gift for Serendipity is revealed

"Eagle Dancer," I said.

"What did you say?" the Native American next to me responded.

"I simply said Eagle Dancer," I replied.

"That is not my name. I go by StarzEagle Dancer."

"My apologies," I said. "What do you know?"

"I know a great deal. I have been meditating for 53 years," said StarzEagle Dancer.

"I mean about the Serendipity and Pink Puffers. You were going to tell me about the relationship between the two," I said.

"It is in the heart," he said.

"What is?" I asked.

"The relationship. Take these stones and give them to your Pink Puffers. They will come to understand, in much the same way that I have come to understand."

"You mean by sitting around and meditating? You don't look like you're in very good shape," I said, a little irritated that I had been sitting at his side, without food, for almost two days.

"By reflecting, yes," said StarzEagle Dancer. "Sit here and I will contemplate how you should pass this along to your Pink Puffers.

"What are these stones and what are they for?" I inquired.

"They are rose quartz and they are for healing. Your Pink Puffers will need them, will benefit greatly by holding them"

"Tell me more," I demanded.

"In time, my son. In time."

Sitting by Eagle Dancer's side, awaiting word

I believe.

I believe in Serendipity. Which means I don'’t believe in fate. And yet . . .

The word serendipity was first used on January 28 -- the first day of Run Camp -- 352 years ago, and are there not 350 run campers (plus Chris and me)? That'’s 352. Coincidence? Serendipity?

And, what of Pink Puffers? Where is the crossover point of fate, history, chance and destiny?

These questions, dear Puffers, drew me to Paradise Valley at the foot of Superstition Mountains, where I ventured forth to find the one man I sensed could provide direction on these issues.

Yes, I would have to miss a week of Michigan's winter and, worse, a day of Run Camp, but, as in the Meaning of Life, it's all in the pursuit.

So here I am with an American Indian acupuncturist/astrologer, Eagle Dancer, who has agreed to share with me important information, and when I have it I will share it with you.

This has been some journey, friends, but the fruits of my labor (banana and strawberry in a low-fat smoothie) have allowed me to taste life on a higher plane.

But I get ahead of the story. Indeed, it was 352 years ago that Horace Walpole coined the term "serendipity," calling on his knowledge of a Persian fairy tale, "The Three Princes of Serendip," whose heroes "were always making discoveries, by accident and sagacity, of things they were not in quest of." The name is from Serendip, an old name for Ceylon.

Ironically, the European culture never took to the word, and yet throughout the Arabic world, its meaning endured and spread, through the telling of fairy tales, to the Mayan and Aztec cultures.

On all fronts, though, its usage waned until the early 1950s, when a forerunner of the American hippie, Siegfried Mann, a descendant of the individual who received the original letter from Horace Walpole, wandering through the New Mexico mountains, told a gathering of Zuni Indians the tale. Their exposure to the people in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, led to its popular usage through the mass media. In that Zuni gathering, though, was a young Eagle Dancer, who meditated for 25 years on its true meaning.

He moved to the Superstition Mountains, outside of Phoenix, in 1978, and has been here ever since.

Eagle Dancer, a surprisingly angry man --– although that may have had something to do with the manner in which I interrupted his mediation when I located him Tuesday --– confirmed the strong bond between Serendipity and "“pink puffers."

"Sit with me, and in 24 hours, I will share that with you,"” he said. I did so, fasting with him. At the end of that time, he asked me to remain at his side until the message is delivered to him in a more complete fashion.

I continue to fast and await word from Eagle Dancer. When I have it, I will share it with you.